Dreaming Through The Culture Wars

Ever have that dream where you're naked in school, standing at the front of the classroom, trying to give a report you've forgotten to write?

Last night, I had one that was just as embarrassing- I accidentally went into a Chik-Fil-A and started to order.

I was wandering through the mall, with a group of people I haven't seen since high school. We were pretty clearly on a class trip.

I was playing with my phone, which I broke yesterday (in the waking world, in real life), trying to get a text sent. Since the bottom third of the touch screen no longer works, that requires flipping it back and forth to get to parts of the on-screen keyboard.

I followed my friend into the food court, and she said something like, "You wanna go to the chicken place?"

I didn't even look up, just muttered, "Okay, yeah," and followed.

I got to the counter, realized it was my turn, and started looking at the menu. I couldn't find anything that appealed to me, and I asked, "Don't you have, like, nuggets?"

The server showed me a box of nuggets, and they were small and squarish, and they looked familiar in an odd way.

I looked around- no company name to be found inside the alcove, but there were cows. Cows....cows in a chicken place had to mean.......I yelped a little, and literally ran out of the place, into the shop directly across, not even caring what it was.

I ordered nuggets there, and looked around. Oddly, their nuggets were shaped like little penises, and there was a jar full of pickles on the counter that all looked like penises.

One of my classmates walked in and said, "Eating in this place always turns me on."

A cousin who I won't name lest I embarrass or anger him-or-her came in behind him, saying, "Yeah, me too, I love the pickles!"

And I stood there, leaning against the counter, worrying that someone might have seen me in the Chik-Fil-A and might think I supported them.

So then I realized, the obvious answer to that was to eat this restaurant's very distinctively shaped food out in the open, in the middle of the mall, which would ensure that no one had any questions what I supported.

And yeah, as a matter of fact, I live in an age where it's less embarrassing to gobble penis pickles in the middle of a mall concourse than to be seen at Chik-Fil-A.